I initially began to respond directly, and quickly remembered that I hate threading comments on Twitter so here I am. Hang on folks, this might be a long one.

Jeff asks a question I think many have asked reading this and hundreds of other statements that are all along the same lines. Most people I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with have figured out old prejudices against women and minority are bullshit. My own company Slack even has channels dedicated to women at Olark, Diversity and Inclusion, and is very clear about our values. My professional community, Support Driven is the same. So I admit, I’ve been in a bit of bubble. It’s easy to forget that people still think the way this engineer at Google thinks. But I can’t forget the why.

I used to be married to an engineer just like this person. For 16 years I shared life with a really talented engineer who took to all the technicalities of engineering in his college classes, earning his Master’s with honors and excelling at his job. I also graduated with honors, but stayed home with our children instead of entering the workforce. I saw in all those years his own beliefs, and those of his colleagues he chose to befriend. I know quite intimately how the beliefs that women are different or less capable in some fields are internalized.

Othering

Up until the most recent generation, people have been raised to believe there are distinct groups and types of people. There are really just humans, in all our infinite individuality. Sure there are genders (hint: it’s not really a binary), and everyone has their own incredible talents. But there is no universal set of skills or abilities that come with your chromosomes. The belief that there are groups different from yourself is what contributes to believing that the people you perceive to be in those groups may be inherently better/worse than you in some fashion. If someone is raised with this belief, and that they are in the “better” category and stay in a belief echo chamber, it becomes a pervasive part of a world view, and utterly foundational.

Fear

When I was quite young, I asked my mom why men excluded women throughout so much of history. “Because they’re afraid” she would explain. “A woman can do everything a man can do, and she can give birth. Men couldn’t understand this difference before scientific discovery, and that terrified them. At some point, to keep their power, men subjugated women.” Smart mom.

When I finally began the extraction from my marriage and found the courage to ask why he’d kept me from following my dreams for so long, he explained he was terrified. If I found out how bright I was, he explained, what could he possibly do to keep me with him? The idea that treating me as an equal and supporting me apparently never occurred to him as on option?

Idiot or Short-sighted?

The sentiments in the Googler’s statement echo so many, many of the things I heard for nearly two decades. Phrases that start with an assumption presented as common knowledge. Insidious assumptions of differences and hierarchy that simply do not exist. I’m not sure either “Idiot” or “Short-sighted” apply. To be honest, I’m still looking for the term. It’s a stubborn resistance to see reality for what it is. It’s cowardice at examining beliefs. It’s the vanity of thinking that working with people who look different means that you’ll be giving up something.

As for me? I relish the opportunity to work with people better at something (or everything) than me. I relish working with a team of people who cherish the differences in others. I relish working for a team of people who embrace the name “team.”

And until Google and other tech companies can hire people with these beliefs, they will spinning their wheels working on cleanup after statements like these, and initiating “diversity programs.” Find, train and hire a vast variety of people and get to work.

when asked if they could “live chat on this” and told no, the response was “oh ok never mind sorry to waste your time”

I ran into a question this morning with an email follow up. I’m only Samuel on chat, not email. So when a teammate asked me to respond to a customer with a fairly complex case, I worried about how to sign off. They would surely know who it was responding to them. I went ahead and signed off as Samuel, even though my email signature is Sarah-related. The customer has not responded, so I don’t have a conclusion on this one

I’ve had a few troll chats disconnect from teammates and then reopen with me that are then blank. Not sure if they have given up trolling that point. or are on interested in bugging female colleagues. (FlDyOtrYLzNNU4yM1Y4Bh0T0A1Uyh4yV)

I felt like I was addressed by name more often, but that could be because the name is novel to me